Is it a good idea to have a friends with benefits relationship

It’s more than a friend because it’s sexual. It’s less than a lover because, for love, it’s no. The sexfriend, for girls today, is this a good medium term?

Friends with benefits relationship

I start with my girlfriend Claire. Of all my friends, it’s the one with the most difficult sex life to follow. Sure, she’ll be able to help me.

“No, Sasha, I do not think my testimony serves you. ” But why ? “Because, often, we take a sexfriend between two serious relationships. Except that I, the serious relations, I flee them. So it’s like I only have friends with benefits. For me, it’s a “way of life”. ”

Ah. This is an interesting point of view. So like that, she only sleeps with guys who are almost friends? “Either buddies who become friends with benefits or one-shots. ”

What is a one-shot? “He’s a guy you only sleep with once. ” Ah OK. “But if the one-shot is a good shot, he can become a sexfriend. That’s my criterion. In a way, my friends with benefits are my serious relationship to me. “

And if it attaches too much? “Well, I’m leaving. I do not want to attach myself. Even in love, I am not able to be faithful. And I do not want to be accountable. In any case, not for the moment. I am young, I love sex, I have fun. ”

So, we can say that she is happy. ” Of course ! Instead of having a great guy and good in bed, I have several. What more ? ”

Exclusivity? “No, I do not care. When they have a girlfriend, it can be problematic, but I do not ask myself questions. You never know what’s going on in a couple.

So, this is not a eliminatory criterion. It’s not for me to manage their romantic relationships. Note for later: if I meet someone, I do not introduce Claire. In any case, she looks fulfilled. Yes but here, Claire and I, we do not have the same character.

How to Pull Off Friends With Benefits the RIGHT Way

Julie, it’s a bit my double, a touch of madness and more. Without turning around the bush, I ask her what she thinks of friends with benefits. “They are not” friends “. These are at most guys who share with you a cruel lack of sex. ”

Well, things are clear, I have no cruel lack of sex, I inquire, that’s all. “Then it would not do you any good. In any case, I do not think they are really indispensable. ”

Why ? “I know that I choose them because I see a good compromise: pleasure without feelings. But it does not work. She ties, is it?

” Not necessarily. But I choose them to give me the impression of having a sentimental life, and in the end, I always feel more alone than before. So, what is it for ? It’s not an hour of fucking from time to time, even with someone nice, who can erase at home the bitterness of seeing them leave after.

My concern is not so much the fear of attaching myself to someone. It is rather the desire that someone attaches to me. It always sends me back to my own loneliness. So she does not advise me? “I prefer not to speak for others.

But I still want to tell you that it is better to be alone than half accompanied. By cons, I am very happy with my vibros. I knew that sooner or later we would come to the sextoy.

“Oh Sasha, do you know who you should ask? To Camille! ”

Reflections on Friends With Benefits

Camille is our common friend. It’s a living cliché: it looks like straight out of a TV series. Young Parisian thirty years, brilliant lawyer, careerist, shoes addict, beautiful, good-looking, feminist and rich.

If we had not been friends with her for so long, sure she’d never be chosen as a friend. So I’m planning a lunch with her, just to ask her if a sexfriend is a good idea for me. “No, Sasha, do not throw yourself in there! ”

My fork of scallops remains suspended between the plate and my mouth open. I look smart. “You stop your bullshit, Sasha. And most importantly, you do not listen to Claire! ” Calms you. Why does it put her in such a state? “Because I tested, and I do not have good memories. ”

Oh? ” Yes. My friends with benefits were my ex. All. Big mistake. So, the problem is that she took her ex. But with a friend, or an almost unknown? ” It’s the same. It crystallizes your desire for a couple, love, tenderness. And then you’ll inevitably wonder why, if you get so perfectly in bed, you could not get along perfectly in life. ”

Why would I ask myself that? “The problem of commitment, Sasha. That’s always what makes the mess. I did not want to get involved, for a lot of reasons. Psychologically, my friends with benefits were surely there to mitigate this fear, and, at the same time, to die alone with my cat. ”

And it helped him? ” No. The sexfriend is very bad. Either you already know it, and it messes up everything, or you do not know it, and you get attached. What really motivates us is the beautiful story of fairy tale. ”

Yeah, friends with benefits, there is better to dream big girls. ” No ! It has become an urban legend! A nice story that your sexfriend, it’s light and cute at first, no head, super blow, super little love, and then BAM !, it becomes the great love story of all your life.

In fact, it’s a trick invented to drown your midinette side in waves of unbridled and falsely assumed sexuality. She’s not exaggerating a little, right?

” No. Besides, I have a name for them: the Mikados. Dare I ask why? “Because it’s the little weakness that will lose you.

The diagnosis of my shrink on the friends with benefits

Between the one who makes it an art of living, the one that saddens and the one who does not believe it, not easy to decide. Maybe in the absence of a personal opinion, I need someone impartial who helps me to see what I really want.

So I decided to make my weekly session profitable at my therapist’s house by tackling this thorny problem. “And you, what do you think? That’s the problem, I do not know.

“You are here for that, let’s talk about it. Yes, but what do we start with? “How do you live the absence of man in your life? Well, I’m fine.

Of course I want to have romantic weekends, watch my TV shows next to someone and pester because my guy is late. But other than that, I manage loneliness well.

“And sexually? I would say that I am a normal 25 year old girl, with desires and desires, but for the moment nobody to satiate them. It’s a pity, but not dramatic.

“So why ask yourself the question of a sexfriend? It’s not me, ma’am, it’s Delphine who started! “Do you take encouragement from your friend Delphine for some sort of pressure? ”

No … (intense reflection), if … a little. I know she wants my good. But, to tell the truth, I inquire more out of curiosity than to make my decision. “Maybe because you have already made your decision? ” Yes. And I do not want to. Ah, thank you doctor, I feel better!

But by the way, what do you think about this sexfriend story? “The sexfriend is a social phenomenon. We’ve been talking about it for four or five years. Before, women assumed less. Besides, we talked about lover, not sexfriend. ”

Yes, but it’s the same. ” Yes and no. This change of vocabulary is important because it proves that in recent years, women are no longer afraid to admit that their lover is especially there for the sexual side. ”

And what is this change? When women’s sexshops arrive? “Among others. Women are guilt-free and dare to talk about their lovers. ”

So only the words have changed? “No, because we are starting to see the negative effects of this sexual mini-liberation. ”

That is to say ? “You, for example. You knew what you wanted, but you dared not say it too loudly. The trend is reversed. We are no longer ashamed of having a sexfriend or sextoy, we are ashamed not to have any. It became the new it-bags and it-shoes. ”

That’s true. When I say that I do not like sex toys, my girlfriends make fun of me. Maybe I need to change friends? And it’s psychological damage, this story of friends with benefits?

” Not necessarily. You have to know how to set limits from the start. Know what you want, what the other wants, and be ready to assume. And especially communicate to avoid misunderstandings that often create suffering. ”

As in a couple. “It’s a couple. It is the fact of not admitting it that creates suffering. ”

The word of a man in a friends with benefits relationship

In any case, this time, my decision is made. The sexfriend will not go through me. Besides, I would not even know how to find it. Among my friends? No, it would be a little creepy.

In bars and nightclubs? No, I’m too scared of falling on a pervert. I do not see. Though. There would be this handsome boy like a god whom I regularly babbled between doors when I was in high school. He made me indecent proposals and more. Oh, I can call him out of curiosity …

Hello Alex? “Sasha? It’s not true, how are you? Blablabla, what do you become, and you, the job is ok, you have someone in your life, no, and you?

“Oh, you know, before I go with a girl! Interesting. He also practices friends with benefits then? ” Of course. Not that, fortunately for me. ”

It’s funny, because I’m doing an investigation on that. “If you want, we can talk about it in front of a drink. I’ll explain my point of view. ”

Three days, eleven hours and four “Sex on the beach” later, race record: I still do not know his opinion on friends with benefits, but I know that Alex is a great shot. I suspected that this appointment would not be innocent and, to my surprise, it was very nice.

Alex is charming, handsome and smart, but he and I would not work. On the other hand, once in a while, it could happen again. But not too much, anyway. Why ? Because Alex is charming, handsome, intelligent and that’s a good move.

And even if I know it would not work, I could stupidly attach myself to him. As with the little pet rabbit. When I tell Delphine that, she can not help but giggle, “Super, Sasha, you can go on then.” No, I do not think so.

It’s not a good idea, not for me. I want everything or nothing. Not a half of relationship. I could not make regular sex with someone without falling in love. I know myself. So, I will stop there the experiment.

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